Jumping to Conclusions
by cmr2014
Summary: The perils of miscommunication. Sort of a role-reversal of "Riding Meryl".


DISCLAIMER: Trigun and its characters belong to Yasuhiro Nightow.

**Jumping to Conclusions**

Vash sat on his bed, thinking about the person he really wanted to ask out to dinner tonight. He had a coupon for 2 free steak dinners if you came in as a couple – it was a Valentine's Day promotion – and he wasn't going to pass that up. Oh, he knew the goal was to sell all the expensive drinks and desserts they could, but these were _big_ steaks.

He had thought about asking Milly, but she would eat all hers. Meryl was so small; he figured she could only eat half, leaving the other half for him. A steak and a half for free, what could be better?

Besides, he kind of liked the thought of taking Meryl out to dinner.

If you asked him, he'd say she wasn't his type. Too uptight and bitchy. She was skilled with those derringers, though, and he had to give respect to anyone who mastered their weapon of choice. Plus, he just saw something in her eyes that said there was more to her than her insurance girl exterior. He wanted to get to know _that_ woman.

It was settled. He sat up and smoothed out his duster. Walked over to the sink and ran some water, washed his face. Checked his teeth. Just for good measure, rinsed out with some mouthwash.

It was a simple thing of asking someone out. The worst that would happen was she said no and he found someone else. He had no idea why he was so anxious to make a good impression.

Vash checked himself in the mirror. Clean. Skin clear. No five o'clock shadow. Try smiling. Crap, did the mirror just crack?

Off we go. He marched himself down to Meryl's room before he had time to talk himself out of it. Her door was slightly ajar, and he was about to knock when he heard her conversation with Milly.

"I just couldn't help it. He looked so lonely with those puppy-dog eyes. So I brought him up here."

Huih? Who was Meryl talking about?

"Well, it certainly looks like he had fun," came Milly's voice. "The bed's all torn up."

"Yeah." Meryl laughed sheepishly. "I guess it's my fault for letting him in my bed in the first place. Good grief, he was rowdy. Kept me up all night."

"Oh, wow," Milly said. "Look at all those teeth marks!"

"Oh, he was a handful, all right. Couldn't quit licking me, that rascal."

_WHAT?!_

"So what happened to him?"

"I don't know, Milly. I finally fell asleep, and when I woke up he was gone. I'm thinking of seeing if I can find him again tonight. To be honest, last night was the most fun I've had in a while, and I wouldn't mind a bit more of it."

Vash couldn't stand it any longer. A surge of jealous protectiveness overwhelmed him. Some schmuck had charmed his way into Meryl's affections? Oh, hell no!

In a more rational state of mind, he would have been aware that Meryl was a consenting adult, and free to do as she pleased with other consenting adults. Right now, however – feminism be damned, if anyone was going to give Meryl Stryfe some rowdy romance, it would be _him_!

Vash kicked in the door. "Where is that rat bastard?" he snarled. "I'll knock his teeth in!"

Milly jumped in fright. Meryl glared in indignation.

"What on earth are you talking about, Vash? And what are you doing in here kicking my door, anyway?"

Vash huffed and ranted, "I heard you in here talking about your Romeo. Don't you realize guys like him only want one thing? If I have to to keep your heart from being broken, I'll knock that bastard's block off!"

"_What?_" Meryl shoved her face in his, finger poking his chest. "How dare you impugn my honor with your profane accusations, you insipid, vapid, impudent, feather-brained broom-head! Do you think I'm so gullible that I'd actually fall for a cheap line from some two-bit legend-in-his-own-mind Lothario?" She'd poked him so hard she actually had him backed up against the wall.

"Now hear this, Vash the Stampede. I am a lady, a delicate freaking flower of the divine class, and I will be treated as such or _there will be hell to pay!_" The delicate freaking flower emphasized her point with a slap that put his head at one angle.

As Vash brought his hands up and straightened his head back to its proper position, he wondered if Meryl was secretly some sort of iron palm assassin, capable of leveling entire buildings with one slap.

_CRICK!_ There. The chiropractor should approve of that.

Head back in its right place, it was Vash's turn to poke Meryl in the chest. "If you're such a lady, what the hell are you doing bringing some guy into your room? AAAHHH!" He shrieked when she grabbed his finger and twisted. Why the hell was she always breaking the rules of fair play?

"Vash, you idiot! There was no man in here; there was a dog. I found a dog last night and took him up here to keep him safe, and he ran away this morning. That's all!"

"Oh." Vash felt rather foolish now.

"Now what are you doing in my room?" she demanded.

He scratched the back of his head nervously. "Well, you see…before the, uh – misunderstanding, I had been going to ask if maybe you would like to…go to dinner with me?"

She poked him again. "Speak up! I can't hear you when you mumble like that."

"WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO TO DINNER WITH ME?" he shouted. Hadn't meant to sound that loud, he was just so nervous he overreacted.

Meryl was actually caught off guard. "To whe – oh, to that place with the coupon?"

He nodded.

"Isn't that for couples?"

He nodded again, braced himself for the rejection.

With a gleam in her eye, Meryl said, "I'd love to." She swept against him and gave him a kiss that sent a jolt through his system. "That's for being so concerned about me, and so sweet as to ask."

Vash had just started to smile when his world rotated as she backflipped him. He landed with a thud that hurt worse than it sounded. "And that's for daring to make presumptions about my virtue!"

"Why can't I ever win with her?" he asked weakly.

Milly followed Meryl out, shaking her head and stepping over him. "Mr. Vash, when will you ever learn?"


End file.
